The worst betrayals come out of sudden breakups. The breakups where you believe that everything’s smooth-sailing, but suddenly, he pulls out the plug on the two of you. While here you were dreaming about having a long term connection, somewhere he was planning to break your heart. While you were expecting something out of the box from life, he left you with tears and wounds. That too, out of the blue.
It happens quite often than we expect. It’s tough to explain why it happens, but love or liking for someone often works that way. Getting a “Yes” is an easy task, maintaining it often takes a lot more than we think. You can’t put rhyme or reason to ‘why you like someone‘ and ‘why love diminishes after a while‘.
It’s like you dreamt of something wonderful, and suddenly, someone came and took it all away from you. And then what follows is the blurry phase of self-judgments, bruised self-esteem & self-ego, and moments of emotional outbreaks. And you start contemplating where you went wrong and what did you do to deserve this heartbreak. Yet, nothing brings you relief.
Now after he has dumped you, there can a lot of ways you can go about it; wanting him back, wanting revenge, or just moving on past what happened. Nevertheless, among all this mess, one thing is undeniably true, that you are hurt and not in-the-mood to take any more shit from anyone.
And if you are here to seek ways to get over this phase, then trust me, you are at the right place.
Get the fact clear- There’s nothing out of the blue
You may believe that you have been dumped unexpectedly. For you, the things were perfect and the signs of heartbreak were nowhere to be seen. But wait, that’s just your part of the story. Not the complete one, of course. What appeared sudden to you might not be sudden for your boyfriend.
It’s hard to know what might be cooking in his head for long. Maybe he was just waiting for the right moment to burst the bubble or was frightened to bring it up earlier. Or, he might be finding the right way to tell you. And when he found it, he didn’t think twice. Believe me, a breakup is not the last moment trip you plan with your friends, it’s a planned trip for which you need full preparations beforehand
We can’t answer all your whys, hows and whens, it’s something you need to figure out where your relationship took this unexpected turn. But one thing is crystal clear, it wasn’t something out of the blue.
Possible reasons why he dumped you
There are a lot of reasons why guys break up. But mostly, it’s not just about you. In most of the cases, it is him and his unpredictable motives. Let me take you through it one by one.
1. The grass is always greener on the other side
When it comes to most of the men, they are always seeking opportunities. The moment a new or better opportunity comes their way, they leave everything to pursue it. Be it a career opportunity or a romantic one. #notallmen #exceptionsarethere
Many times the guy would leave you for some other girl that he finds better, or someone who can make his friends drool. Morally it is wrong indeed and portrays a borderline objectification of women. But you can’t force realizations to someone unless it comes naturally to them.
2. He did it for the conquest
A lot of us want to ‘try’ different people before settling down for real, just like buying an outfit. They want to try stuff out and then finally go with the one that appeals to them.
Maybe he left you for someone else because he wanted to try her out and see how it goes. Or, he was already with someone else and just trying you out. But sadly, while you were working on making it to last, he was confused if you were the one for him. Commitment and settling down is something that most of the guys fear.
3. He did it for the sex
A lot of times the guy knowingly settles down with a woman just because no other women are interested in them. Maybe he settled down with you for a while to avoid his long dry spell. And, he enjoyed getting intimate with you and stayed just for the sex. In this case, you would see him disinterested in you or your life…Because in all honesty – he isn’t.
We understand one does not always have to hurt someone and make them feel ‘use for pleasure’ to make a point. Sadly we can’t change certain things.
4. The ‘oh-so-nice‘ guy
These are the ‘nice guys’ who would never engage in arguments with you. They will patiently listen to you all the time and show the utmost respect and likeness for you. You would never come to know the real side of them unless they themselves choose to do so.
As you know, these nice guys would never be outspoken about anything because they have a ‘nice’ image to maintain. They would never be gutsy enough to accept the reality in front of you. You wouldn’t even get a hint when they are planning to dump you. They will try their best not to show the hidden intentions and will try their best to make you fall for them.
For them, it’s more like feeding their ego. You would never get the idea of what was going on in his head, and of course, telepathy is something you are not good at.
So don’t beat yourself down for this, instead, blame the right person – Him, and his so-called niceness.
5. Maybe, you both weren’t on the same page
For your relationship that had broken apart, sometimes you can’t put blame on one single person or your partner. Sometimes there comes the realization and situations where the actual relationship is tested. Maybe he has dumped you because of some bad habits or ill doings of yours? Maybe you are the one to blame? Maybe there were faults in your stars? Maybe you both shared an unhealthy relationship? Maybe you were ‘Over’ in every bit; over-possessive, over-busy, over judgemental or even over-emotional. Maybe you both were different persons altogether and wanted different things from life. And before you broke up with him, he moved ahead and broke up with you.
There can never be enough ‘maybe’ to understand what went wrong, but sometimes even one reason is enough to dusk your love towards each other.
Also read: How I overcame anger after my breakups…And you can too…
Signs to know if he is going to dump you hard
1. He is not interested in talking to you
The two of you will lose that bond. Those incessant calls will be replaced with a call or two. All the deep conversations you once adored will shrink just to one-word replies like Okay, Yeah, Hmm. You would feel like he is busy or avoiding you.
Remember the times when after a long day you would talk to him about your daily happening and he would listen to you patiently. Even the little things made a bigger difference to your relationship. But, now he has turned into a completely different person. He talks to you for the sake of it and shows the least interest in you or your life.
2. No more intimacy
The passion while the two of you engage in any physical activity seems hollow. It like you are putting so many efforts but you end up receiving nothing from the other end. And, all the intimacy has become a one-sided affair. He seems disinterested because he might be not attracted to you now.
And if you will look closely, you would know that he wants a way out. Some actions speak louder than words.
3. You contact him more often than he does
He used to call you – to vent out his anger, frustration, to share his life happenings, and so on. Now he has stopped doing that. Even when you ask him how his day was, he avoids it or shows irritation. Even if you manage to get words out of him the details would be ignored.
Remember, the crux lies in the details. Learn to read in between the lines…
4. He ditches on plans with you regularly
You were all excited to meet him, finally, you convinced him to take some time out for you from his busy routine. And, the moment you were all dressed to look your best, he texted and ditched all the plans for some stupid reasons. And, this is not the first time he did it, that’s his regular. Then I think you are wise enough to understand.
You deserve someone who respects you as much as other things important to him if not less. Let him off the hook, or you’d be the one hanging in the middle.
How to resolve all of it
Human emotions can never be treated less of what they are. Ignoring your actual feelings is the worst thing you could do to yourself. So brace in the pain, the sorrow of being dumped. Call up a friend when you feel alone or go out and do what makes you happy. Let your feelings out. Do not hesitate to cry if you want to. Express yourself in any way you feel like. Don’t fear to be judged, don’t fake your smile, be yourself. Acknowledge the pain, accept the pain, and then heal the pain.
Moving on is a process, and for you, it does not mean that you have to move on and forget about this guy. He taught you a lot of things about people and the dynamics of relationships. Undoubtedly, there will be a time in the future when you would know that the breakup did more good than harm.
1. First things first
The first thing that you need to do is to resolve this inner turmoil by embracing your inner feeling, no matter how good or bad they may appear. Accept that he left you. Accept that a phase of life has ended and it’s finally time to move on.
You don’t necessarily have to move to get over this guy, but move on in the sense that this was just one of the many chapters of your life. And even though this chapter did not end well, it did teach you a lot and laid down the road for some better and more interesting chapters to come.
2. Resolve those feelings
Once you are done assessing all that happened to you, you have a clearer picture of how you feel about what happened…
- You still love him and want him back. Which is fair, you never got what you wanted out of the relation. If you think that he could do better this time and the two of you can work it out, go for it. Our blessings are with you and your rationalized game plan.
- You feel hurt and the only thing that can make you feel better is to see him hurt. This may not sound morally correct, but you deserve that retribution. You first want to know if he regrets losing you and then make your next move. Prepare the right game plan, tend to it, and curate it to what would actually make you feel better, and then execute it. You know it best how and why he hurt you and how you felt. And your retribution would be so much better than the one suggested by someone else. We wish you all the very best!
- You thought about it all. You got over it and learned your lesson. You know for sure that you don’t want him back nor you want revenge. You just want to get on with yourself. And that is wise. So get going, go out, do things that you like, things you could not try with him but wanted to. Get yourself going in life. Make personal targets and achieve them. Self-improvement is a wonderful journey. (This would be the best plan)
In conclusion, some guys are selfish jerks (#NotAllMen). And don’t for anything less than you believe you deserve. Like Oneplus says it best; never settle.
The best person to consult to resolve all your issues is ‘you‘.
Find that inner voice that guides you through the nuances of this breakup. Let it guide you through the best way that you can approach to get over this thing.
And once you are done, start the self-healing and self-improvement. You would be a better person and attract someone better. Let me remind you, the only person you have control over is ‘you’. Whatever happened was for the best. Maybe he dumped you for all his self motives. Try to see life beyond him and his doings.
The catchphrase I’d like to sell here is that “The more you date, the better you date”.. Don’t let your love die for someone who never deserved it. Set yourself on the path again to find your real love.
And if you are not sure if you will find love again?
Here’s a quiz to reveal if you are capable of finding love again or suck at it
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