“Don’t worry, be positive, And the time will heal it all”
Isn’t this the first advice your loved ones give you when you go through an intense heartbreak? Am sure, it is.
However, the question is, do you want to do nothing but just wait for this time to pass and wondering how to get over your ex and breakup …Or, you want to take charge and set on the path of getting over your Ex boyfriend/ Ex girlfriend?
I know it’s a lot harder than it sounds, but is it unattainable? Hell No…
Likewise, birth and death being the two unavoidable truths of life, a breakup is no different.
As long as you have a heart that beats, a desire of belonging to someone, and tons of overjoyed hormones rushing inside your body, not even the supreme power can save you from heartbreak.
Trust me, you are not the only one knocked down by a breakup. The heartbreak, the intense pain, and the psychological stress, you have been going through right now, is something nobody is immune to.
You are not the only one with the wakeful nights and awful days. Every broken heart screech with the same pain.
And, if you choose not to be a ‘cry baby and deal with it constructively, then these are the few decisions you have to take right now –
- Whether you want to linger on the pointless memories and wonder ‘what if’ breakup had never happened …Or, to make some space for fresh memories and better experiences?
- Whether you chose to trust how your broken heart works… Or, how life works?
- Whether to stay slouched and let the breakup pin-up your destiny…Or, to stand straight and take the charge?
- Whether to move on to someone you deserve… Or, to be knocked down by someone who never deserved you?
You have to make these decisions today, and you can turn the table either ways…Towards a bright promising future…Or, towards a gloomy past. Nobody can answer what went wrong, where it went wrong and how it went wrong, there are few things you need to figure out for yourself. But, I can surely guide you towards an effective way to get over it and to pace up the process of getting over your ex.
It worked for me and I hope it would work for you too.
You can either let the breakup to break you or can turn it into a breakthrough…..The choice is solely yours!
Reason why breakup hurts so much
Before I take you to “How” part of the process, first let me simplify some “Whys” for you. It’s crucial to know why you are feeling the way you are feeling right now.
- What if you are not that hurt as you think you are?
- What if you are depressed without any reason?
- What if you are the one creating pain for yourself?
- What if getting out of it is not as hard as it seems?
- What if you are hurt because of all the wrong reasons?
When we suffer a heartbreak, it’s normal to shut off our eyes and turn blind to many things, including the reasons for our pain.
And, the best we could think of is to hold someone else responsible for all our sufferings without even reaching the core of it.
I pointed out some brief reasons that may be the cause of your pain. There are already many resources that explain the scientific reasons why a breakup hurts. So, instead, I am gonna shed some light on some uncomplicated reasons why it hurts so much.
Not all the reasons may apply to you. So, feel free to move to the next reason if it doesn’t hit your right nerve.
1. Lack of self-esteem and confidence
This is where all the post-breakup problems begin. People with low self-esteem and low confidence level tend to get more vulnerable after a breakup. They have a poor self-image of themselves in their minds, that forces them to believe that they won’t be able to find a better person after a breakup.
Some of them unconsciously form a belief that they don’t deserve love and end up creating much bigger problems than a mere breakup. People never realize that their own mindset is the root cause of all the sufferings.
So, to compensate that low self-esteem, they stick to their partners as long as they can, because it gives them a sense of importance and wholeness. And, after separation, they slip into depression and isolation.
The thought of being alone hurts more than the breakup itself. The lack of self-esteem never lets them look beyond their self created fears and limited thinking.
2. Over-dependence on relationships
One major reason we human get into an intimate relationship is to seek emotional and physical support. We become over-dependent on our partners for all our needs.
Be it choice of clothes, preparing meals, or even taking approvals for even tiniest of the decisions. It becomes more like a habit than love.
And, after breakup people start to miss that support in their life and the loneliness starts to haunt them. The approval seeking habit starts to hit them back.
Everything starts to remind them of their ex. They lose the power to make decisions for themselves. No wonder this makes the process of getting over ex more hellish than we imagined.
3. Being too honest in everything
True, honesty is the most basic requirement in any relationship. But, too much honesty sometimes can cause more pain than pleasure. When in a relationship, sharing our mind n’ heart out with our partner appear such a blessing, Right?
Be it a funny incident or even, deep dark secrets, we never think twice while sharing them with our partner. However, I believe every relationship should have some secrecy.
You might be wondering why am I saying this?
It’s because when we are too much open about everything , unconsciously we are putting a blind faith on them. We start to believe that no matter what happens, our partner won’t ever judge us or cheat on us.
But, the moment things start to get ugly between a couple, then starts a series of blame games and character assassination. The things you shared out of trust, now becomes a weapon that your partner fires against you. And, this breach of trust causes aggression and outrage among the people.
4. Over expectations
And, when they become ‘Over’ expectations, there’s no way you can save yourself from the pain of the breakup. The moment we enter into a relationship, we start to expect certain things from our partner.
‘If he loves me, then he should do this for me’
‘If she really loves, she should stop interacting with other guys’
Sounds familiar? Of course, it is!
The degree of the fulfillment of those expectations becomes the parameter on the basis of which a relationship is judged. If your partner is meeting all your expectations, then everything run smooth.
If the expectations are not met, a relationship ends in breakup after some time. And, after breakup people put all the blame on their partners not realizing that they had dug their own graves.
5. Identifying yourself with your relationship
This is the biggest mistake a person does and it might be the biggest reason for the breakup to hurt so bad. The moment we enter into an intimate relationship, most of us tend to identify ourselves by our partner and relationship.
People completely turn blind to the concept of individuality. They believe that all the good things happening in life is all because of their relationship. Even the wisest of all fall prey to this mentality.
And, when your ‘lucky charm’ leaves, you fall into the trap of self-judgment and the questions on self- existence. For the people falling into this category – it’s not the breakup but the negligence to be blamed.
As a couple, it doesn’t seem a big deal to make a few decisions for each other, or guiding each other to reach any decision. It’s normal for couples to get involved in each other’s life.
However, when it starts to appear more as a “birth-right” than just an option, things start to get a little messy. It turn worse after a couple breaks up.
That habit of constant involvement in each other life starts to create tensions between the people. They never understand that they don’t have any control over anyone’s life. Yet, they keep on going with the same mindset even after the breakup.
Even after breakup, they want control over everything; with whom your their ex is meeting or even talking. This eventually creates a restlessness in people. Instead of helping them in any way, it ultimately becomes the reason for inner conflicts and stress.
7. Ego hurt
Let me ask you something, what’s causing you more pain, the breakup or your ego? There are many individuals who consider breakup as an ego issue.
Questions like “How can he/she do that to me”, “How can he/she not love me anymore”, “How dare he/she break up with me”, “How can he/she forget all the good memories” become the incessant noises that bother our mind.
In this scenario, love takes a back seat and the ego starts to dominate our thoughts and actions. Our whole focus shifts to making them realize how wrong they were and how sorry they should be.
And, with this intention of hurting them, we forget we are hurting for no one but just ourselves.
8. Unfulfilled desires
This is the case where you have so much planned for your relationship and of course, for yourself. But, before you get a chance to live your fantasies, breakup hits and you are left with nothing but few broken pieces of dreams in your heart.
All this time you had those dreams in my our mind and waiting for the right time to live them. However, life had other plans for your relationship. In the end, all that’s left with you are some ‘What if’s.
9. Real love
That’s being the most obvious reason of hurt, doesn’t need any explanation.
Why it shouldn’t hurt? One gives his/her time, emotions, nurturing the love. And, when it ends in a breakup then no wonder it hurts. The thoughts of walking alone on the roads, on which you traveled together.
Some studies claim that a breakup is the second most traumatic experience after the death of a loved one. If it’s a breakup with the person you wholeheartedly love, feeling downhearted in not an option to you.
10. Loving others more than we love ourselves.
Let me give you a wonderful piece of advice; Love yourself first and foremost.
It does sound selfish, but it’s not. A person who can not love or accept himself/herself, can’t love anyone else.
This is the mistake almost everyone does. People start to love their partners more than themselves, giving them the charge of all their life. It’s more like giving them the right to make decisions for our lives. This act itself a major cause of inner stress.
And, after a breakup, they get stuck into the loops of self-doubts, self-judging and ‘I don’t deserve love’ mode.
Step 1 To Get Over Your Ex And Breakup:
This being the stepping stone of your journey towards getting over your ex holds the utmost importance. Before you figure out things you should do to move on, I want you to just stop and resolve the inner conflicts that may stop you from moving out from this dilemma. So, let’s begin…
1. Eliminate resistance
“Understanding is the first step to acceptance, and only with acceptance can there be recovery.”J.K Rowling
This being the first step towards recovery from a breakup, one should understand that the best way to eliminate any fear is to face it.
I want you to actually feel and experience the discomfort caused by heartbreak. There’s no way you should resist it.
“But, I am already experiencing the pain”, you might say.
In that case, I want you to know; a heartbreak might not be the reason for sufferings Maybe your constant struggle to avoid it is something that’s bothering you.
In order to avoid the breakup blues you are creating more pain for yourself. Believe it or not, it’s true. And, now it’s time to face it strongly, not avoid it.
Nobody expects you to be a superhero. You are human; it’s okay and completely normal to be upset over things that didn’t go as planned.
Rather than carrying a plastic smile and pretending to be resilient, It’s fine to be raw and have a little grief period after a breakup.
Grief doesn’t turn you weak. Instead, it makes you tougher against pain and hurt. After all, you won’t be taking any medals home for being stone-hearted and to be a ‘Macho’.
You came out of a relationship that mattered, that brought you immense joy and pleasure at some point of time. So, mourning over the end of it won’t make you less human.
Accepting the pain is the first stepping stone towards eliminating it.
Don’t let the fear of loneliness and pain taking all over your life. It’s important to know ‘What’ you are feeling to begin with any positive change in your life.
Acknowledge your pain, and say to yourself;” It’s okay to cry sometimes’,’It’s completely fine to be sad for a while’.
Turning blind to the pain and following the ‘I’m too strong’ philosophy, is the only reason you are still not over a breakup.
2. Take full responsibility and don’t make it an ego issue
“Eventually we all have to accept full and total responsibility for our actions, everything we have done, and have not done. ”Hubert Selby Jr
After the full acceptance of the situation, now it comes to taking the full responsibility of it.
I know you might differ with me on this. Like, you can say, “It was not my mistake”, “I didn’t initiate the breakup”, “My ex was the cause of all suffering”, and this list can go endlessly.
But, if you are serious about getting over a past relationship, you have to shift your focus on things that really do matter.
After all, you can’t go back and change everything that happened. But, you can definitely control your present and expect a good future.
Do you want to mourn over what happened, or to have an optimistic outlook towards what life might offer you? Of course, a promising future.
And, this can’t happen if you keep shrugging all the responsibility. You have to move on with the attitude to conquer the past and to put your bet on the further possibilities.
Do not be afraid to take responsibility and to be self-sufficient. Don’t let someone else make decisions for you.
Do not be a dry leave drifting across the wind, be the wind! Period.
3. Watch your thoughts
“Watch your thoughts, they become your words; watch your words, they become your actions; watch your actions, they become your habits; watch your habits, they become your character; watch your character, it becomes your destiny.”Lao Tzu
While you are dealing with a post-breakup dilemma, pay special attention to your thoughts. Be aware of the thoughts wandering wildly into your head both consciously and unconsciously.
Believe it or not, your thought process is solely responsible for 80% of your problems. So, in certain conditions, it becomes necessary to bring your attention to the thought process and be a spectator for a while.
Do you know a human mind generates over 2500-3000 thoughts per hours? That makes around 50 thoughts per second. Out of those 50, only 2 or 3 are the ones you consciously choose to think, rest is just the repetitive thoughts that are unconsciously generated based on your mindset and experiences.
While dealing with an intense breakup, it’s vital to be aware of the thoughts emerging in your brain, both consciously and unconsciously. And, once we become aware of our thinking process, thoughts lose their power letting people see things beyond their self-limitations and beliefs.
And, to keep a check on your thoughts here’s a thing you can do is –
4. Don’t share your sorrow with ‘Everyone’
“When it comes to making friends, it is never about how many that you have, but about the kind of energy that they bring. Please choose wisely.”Edmond Mbiaka
I understand that sharing pain and sorrow with your dear ones after a breakup becomes ritual. After all, that help you to sort things out and can definitely suppress your pain for a moment at least.
But before you do that, carefully pick the person with whom are you sharing your sorrows. That can make a huge impact on your process of getting over a breakup.
Some people never miss the chance to give their expert opinion and advice on anything and everything. They are always eager to pass their judgments and opinion based on their experience in life and with people, irrespective of whether they apply on others or not .
And, if you are sharing your pain with people having a negative outlook towards everything, do you believe that you are going to get any constructive advice from them?
Open your heart and mind to the people who value it, not to the ones waiting for you to finish your story so that they can begin theirs.
At this time, you don’t need a talker, you need a listener. Approach someone who understands you and can positively contribute to your healing process.
Make a list of the people who you feel can uplift you and are always there for you. Don’t choose a person just because he/she is close or blood relative to you.
A negative person can never guide you towards a positive path. Better you realize it soon.
5. Don’t be a sympathy seeker
“If you’re looking for sympathy you’ll find it between shit and syphilis in the dictionary.”David Sedaris
I know sympathy can bring a little relief to the wounds(even more than just little if given by a person of opposite sex). However, the question is, why do you have to keep your wounds open for this long? A sympathy donor will constantly keep reminding you of your pain.
When you seek ways to get your a breakup, seeking sympathy should be the last thing on your mind.
Yes, you can get temporary attention from your loved ones and a few special ones, but this attitude can never let you come out of this phase.
If it’s the temporary comfort you are seeking, then go on. But, if you want to relive your pain and sufferings, stop being a ‘helpless’.
Don’t seek attention for frail reasons. Grab attention for the strong and right reasons. Don’t be an “AWW”. Instead, be a “Wow”.
Step 2 To Get Over Your Ex And Breakup:
Now the time has come for you to take the big step towards your recovery from a breakup. It’s going to be the hardest part of the process and definitely not something you can avoid or skip.
It’s time to cut all the ties from your past. You should be willing to let go off everything that’s still keeping you hooked into the past.
It’s impossible to move forward if you are still under the influence of your past. To take hold onto something better, you have to release the things that don’t matter anymore.
1. Stop being a stalker
“Often you don’t know whether you’re the hero of a romantic comedy or the villain on a Lifetime special until the restraining order arrives.”Tim Kreider
Stalking is unethical. Be it stalking your ex’s social media profiles, or physical stalking, you need to stop it all. There’s no way you can justify stalking.
You might consider checking your ex’s Facebook, Instagram to keep a check on them; with whom they are meeting, what they are up to in life or to know if they are equally hurt or unaffected.
But, guess what? No matter what they are up to, you have least control over them and the situations.
Even if they have already forgotten you, whereas you are still struggling to get over them, you can do nothing about it.
By constantly keeping a watch on their social handles, you are creating unending stress for yourself. Moreover, your focus shifts from your life to theirs. Things going on with you takes the backseat, and keeping a sharp eye on them becomes the primal issue of your life.
It’s time you should consider taking a break with your ex. Better let them stay where they are and bring all your attention to yourself. Block their social profiles, stop stalking them, stop watching them even from a distance.
It’s hard I know, but do you have any better Idea?
It’s your detox phase and it’s highly necessary you keep yourself away from all the toxic acts.
2. Don’t keep on calling and texting your ex
I don’t like looking back. I’m always constantly looking forward. I’m not the one to sort of sit and cry over spilled milk. I’m too busy looking for the next cow.Gordon Ramsay
This is the thing where you have to put a strict restriction on yourself. You shouldn’t keep calling or texting your ex when you are struggling to get over them. No matter whatever the reason is – please avoid spamming their inbox with “Please come back” and “Miss you a lot” messages…
There’s nothing more important right now than to pull yourself out from all the influences of the bygones.
Whether they answer your calls or not, it’s you who will suffer in both the condition. If they answer it, you will find yourself trapped in the same dilemma of past and will end up begging and pleading to get them back.
And, if they chose to ignore your call and texts, chances are you will get irritated and angry. Both ways, it’s just you who will suffer.
Also, please strictly avoid drunk dialing your ex. No matter what your excuse is, there’s no way it’s going to help you in any positive way. It makes you look like a weak and emotionally vulnerable person. Under the influence of alcohol, we end up doing things which we regret later on.
Feel free to switch off your phone or keep it far away when you enjoy those drinks.
3. Stop going to the places that remind you of your ex
The past can’t hurt you anymore, not unless you let it.Alan Moore
At times it feels good to go down the memory lane. Going back to the places you used to go with your ex can definitely bring some memories to life.
Be it your favorite restaurant, club, and even the beach you used to walk hand-in-hand with your ex, every place has a distinct memory attached to it.
And, it will nearly be impossible for you to come out of the influence of your past relationship if you keep on reliving memories by continuously visiting those places.
This is the time where you should put your heart, emotions, and mind to sleep for a while and let your common sense take the charge.
Avoid every place that you think which can have even the slightest of the chance to bring your past memories to life again.
Instead, there are plenty of places you can explore and create fresh memories at, rather than being stuck in the never-ending past.
4. Throw every gift, memory of your ex
Renew, release, let go. Yesterday’s gone. There’s nothing you can do to bring it back. You can’t’ve done something. You can only DO something. Renew yourself. Release that attachment. Today is a new day!Steve Maraboli
Stop spending your precious time looking at the mug she gave you, the dress your ex bought for you, or the ring he gifted you on your birthday. It’s time to make some space for fresh memories not even in your mind, but also around yourself.
There’s no good reason you should still be gazing at the things that remind you of your ex. The one mistake most of the people do is to keep the belongings of their ex with them as a memento of the past.
You should understand that every single thing has a certain kind of energy and vibes related to it. Refusing to let go off the things related to your past is like surmounting yourself with those vibes.
It’s nearly impossible to get over someone, when you are surrounded by their energy all the time. Letting go is a hard process, but that’s not an option for you when you are trying to get over your past relationship.
5. Avoid hanging out with mutual friends
Recovery is something that you have to work on every single day and it’s something that it doesn’t get a day off.Demo Lovato
For a while, it’s okay if you chose to avoid hanging out with the mutual friends. As a friend they will understand the issues you are dealing with.
When you are trying to get over your ex, you should be least surrounded with the people that remind you of your ex. People that keep on reminding of your ex, or keep talking about you two, are something you should keep a distance from for the time being.
In case, if you share the same workplace or same apartment with your mutual friends, be clear about your situation with them. Tell them clearly that you are putting efforts to get over your ex and they should completely avoid talking about the past relationship.
However, still you feel that’s not working out for you, don’t be shy to avoid them completely for the time being.
Step 3 To Get Over Your Ex And Breakup:
While dealing with heartbreak this is the one mistake almost everyone makes. They continuously focus on getting over their past relationship, and least bothered about evolving as a strong-willed and positive being.
People are wasting their precious time and energy in finding solutions to the wrong problems. The real problem lies inside us.
Your goal should be to make yourself so strong internally that no breakup or heartbreak, or even bigger tragedy can dull your shine. And, it can’t happen unless you bring your attention to the real problems and are determined enough to tackle them wisely.
1. Learn to love yourself first and foremost
Not everyone you love is gonna love you back, that’s why it’s important to love yourselfAnonymous
As I told you before, the lack of self-esteem and self-importance makes a problem look way bigger than it actually is. You are suffering because you were too dependent on a relationship and also because of your way of handling the situation.
The only relationship that really could have made the difference is the one you share with your inner being.
And, no remedy can cure you unless you learn the art of loving and accepting yourself as who you are. You should stop seeking the approval of others. Better understand that the behavior of others towards you don’t have the power to make you feel less or more important.
You can’t fulfill everyone’s demand and change yourself as per their needs. You are unique and people have to accept you as you are not for something they want you to be.
Stop being a puppet. Nobody is perfect and it’s completely fine to be yourself.
You need to love yourself first before you go out and seek love from others. Work on your self-esteem and be confident for who you are. You don’t have to prove something to anyone.
And, In order to sail away from things that don’t matter, you have to sail in towards the things that really matter.
2. Eat healthy meals and follow a routine
You can be the most beautiful person on Earth, and if you don’t have a fitness or diet routine, you won’t be beautiful.Martha Stewart
The first thing that falls prey to a breakup is the healthy routine and your diet. Isn’t it?
Most of the people off track their lives after a breakup. They intentionally neglect their diet, healthy routine and personal care. They get in the zone where they are no more in control of their own lives.
Binging on junk food, tugged in the bed for whole day long and watching Netflix endlessly does become the only savior in your so-called ‘hard time’.
It becomes your way of diverting your mind from your past relationship. But, you never realize it’s the way of self-destruction too.
It’s not only affecting your health adversely but also slipping you into depression gradually. Things started as momentarily destruction become the addictions eventually.
I really don’t want you to indulge in things that are not serving you any purpose.
A healthy routine and diet can indeed make a big difference to your recovery. This not only attracts uplifting thoughts but also keeps you in good spirits while you deal with this phase.
Although, I am not suggesting to make big changes in your routine from day one.
Start making small changes in both your diet and routine. Starting small makes sure that you don’t get overwhelmed with sudden change.
Don’t let a breakup drift you into a dark zone, from where there is no coming back. Don’t let the negativity take over your body and mind.
3. Grab a self-help book
It is what you read when you don’t have to that determines what you will be when you can’t help it.Oscar Wilde
For those who don’t understand the concept of self-growth and personal transformation, or are too afraid to change themselves, consider a ‘self-help’ resources junk and vague.
We mostly under-estimate the positive impact a self-help book can have. We think that the self-help books are either for weak or for the saints.
While I was dealing with heartbreak, I remember my friend giving me a book “How to reach from where you are to where you want to be” by Jack Canfield”.
And, there was no looking back. It not only helped me to get over my relationship but also taught me the principle of self-growth and a strong mindset.
When we deal with sudden heartbreak, it becomes nearly impossible to keep up the high spirits, positivity, and motivation to get over it.
And, that’s the part where Self-help books can make a tremendous difference to your recovery from a breakup. They have the power to supercharge your life by infusing an abundance of knowledge and wisdom by taking you on a journey of self-discovery.
There are millions of self-help material in the market to serve your every self-growth needs. Grab any book of your choice and make it a habit to read at least 10 pages of it, preferably the first thing in the morning and the last thing before you doze off.
And, in case you are not a reading person, you can also listen to audiobooks.
The medium doesn’t matter, what matters is that you learn from the experiences of the people who walked the same path as yours and move on in life with utmost positivity and motivation.
4. Forget and forgive
Forgiveness is not always easy. At times, it feels more painful than the wound we suffered, to forgive the one that inflicted it. And yet, there is no peace without forgiveness.Marianne Williamson
This might be the reason for your cure and also the real problem. This might be the biggest culprit behind your endless suffering, self-doubts and sleepless nights; You are holding grudges for your ex.
Physically you have moved on, but mentally and emotionally you are still very much into the past and blaming your ex for all the bad things happening to you.
Holding grudges for someone is like allocating space in mind solely to the negativity. It’s impossible to feel positive and get over a relationship when it still occupies a major part of your brain.
Letting go doesn’t only mean to depart ways physically, it also mean to let go everything mentally too. Letting go off the memories, the person you loved and even the hate is hard, but that’s the only way out from this turmoil.
It’s time you should make peace not only with your past both mentally and emotionally. Forget what happened, forgive who hurt you and move on. Don’t bother about if your ex still misses you or regrets losing you, bring your whole focus on just yourself right now.
You can’t keep your one foot in the past and one in the future. If you do that, you better know where you are going to be kicked at.
No matter who initiated the breakup, who was responsible for this mess, just forgive them – Not for them, but for your own peace of mind. Peace begins from within, sooner you understand it, the better it is.
5. Eliminate clutter
Clearing clutter—be it physical, mental, emotional, or spiritual—brings about ease and inspires a sense of peace, calm, and tranquility.Laurie Buchanan
It’s probably the easiest of all steps to overcome a breakup dilemma. All you have to do is eliminate clutter around yourself. If you are someone who is messy or has become one after a breakup, then it’s time to make some space around yourself to breathe and for positive vibes to flow in.
A pile of unwashed clothes from weeks, wrinkled bed sheets and a messy wardrobe is not an unusual sight in the people’s room after a breakup. But now, it’s time to learn some management and eliminate all the clutter.
Your surrounding creates a lot of impact on your vibes. If you are someone who enjoys being messy and keeps their bedroom no different than a playground, then it’s time to get rid of this mess if you are serious about getting over your breakup.
Start with your wardrobe, take a day off and arrange it in a neat manner. Get rid of things you don’t need. Then your working desk, your room, and so on. Arrange things in a clean way. Don’t shy away from getting rid of things you don’t need around.
Make space for new things and for good vibes to flow into your surroundings. Let the fresh air traverse around you. This will definitely make a huge constructive impact on the way you feel and think.
Step 4 To Get Over Your Ex And Breakup:
As now we have come to the final phase of the process of getting over your past relationship, be ready to open your heart and mind for new adventures which life has to offer and move towards things that truly matter.
It’s time to shrug and make peace with the past and to move forward in life. Below you will find some constructive ways you can do that without overwhelming yourself.
1. Get social
To all the other dreamers out there, don’t ever stop or let the world’s negativity disenchant you or your spirit. If you surround yourself with love and the right people, anything is possible.Adam Green
It’s the perfect time for you to step out of your solitude and to meet new people rather than engrossing yourself with negativity and loneliness. Interacting with new people and forming new friendships can really help you a lot to get over your past.
Meeting new people and making new connections give our mind a needful break from the incessant chatter we have been experiencing after the breakup. Rather than playing the same unremitting adverse thoughts continuously in our mind, it gives us an opportunity to create better and meaningful experiences with new people.
To create fresh memories, it gets necessary to let go off the memories of the gloomy past and people that are halting your progress to move forward.
And, by getting social I don’t mean to jump straight to Facebook and send a random request to people or making virtual connections. I am talking about the purposeful connection with real people.
Hang out with people who uplift you and have positive vibes around you. Befriend people who make you feel important. And, ignore the ones who can never bring out a positive change in you, and of course, your life.
Wondering, if you will ever find love again? Then Take This Quiz To Know More
2. Seek help from a professional
At any stage if you feel that it’s nearly impossible for you to deal with the situation all alone and there’s no around who can help you to bring you up from this mess, then seeking an aid from a professional can be a good way to get over your past relationship.
First of all, let go off your perception that psychiatrist is for cracks. Or, don’t overload your mind thinking what people might say or think of you if you seek professional help.
A good psychiatrist will definitely listen to your issues and help you to understand the underlying cause of your sufferings. He/she can surely be a person you can depend on to help you deal with this mess and to bring you out of it.
3. Get a pet
Until one has loved an animal, a part of one’s soul remains unawakenedAnatole France
It may not be applicable for all, as not everyone is a pet lover or it might be difficult for you to own a pet in your current living circumstances.
There are many studies that proved that owning a pet can make dramatic improvements in both mental and physical health of a person.
Being around pets can really boost up your happiness levels and help you overcome almost any mental stress. There are hundreds of benefit have been stated that are associated with going through pet therapy.
Coming home to someone who gets really joyful and playful by seeing you is indeed a serene pleasure. Isn’t it?
However, If you think it’s not possible for you to adopt a pet due to some reasons, you can visit some animal shelters occasionally and spend some time with them.
And, if you already have one, then make sure you spend a good time with them. Trust me, it surely works.
4. Get a hand band
This is one of the most effective ways to make sure that you don’t fall back on the same path-haunted by past memories while trying to move on.
There will certainly be moments when you will find it hard to cope up the whole moving on process. Leaving your past behind may itself seem like an impossible task. There will be time when you will feel like giving up and to fall back on old patterns.
You will feel that you can’t take it anymore, and falling back may seem easy than moving on. In that case, you need something to keep reminding you and motivate you to stay on track.
For me, a band worked great. I ordered a custom hand band. It had an uplifting quote written on it. And, the moment I used to find myself getting back on the old habits and patterns of thoughts, that band helped me to be on track.
It’s like an alarm that constantly reminds me to work on things that matter the most. Whenever I find myself dwelling into the past, that band helped me to bring my attention and awareness to the present moment. It worked for me, and I am sure it will work for you too.
Choose any of your favorite quotes, get in engraved on the band of your choice. And, whenever you find yourself in the unmanageable situations, have a look at your band and read that quote loud and clear. And, there’s no reason it will let you down.
5. Set your priorities right
The mark of a great man is one who knows when to set aside the important things in order to accomplish the vital ones.Brandon Sanderson
Tell me your priorities in life? What are the things that matter the most to you?
Can’t think of any?
It’s okay, most of the people don’t have any. They believe in enjoying what life offers to them at the moment.
And, If you fall in the same category, then it’s time for you to ditch that mindset. There are high chances that you are feeling dejected after your breakup because you never had your priorities in the correct place.
Maybe your wrong choices and decisions are the reason for all your sufferings. And, it will surely cause suffering for you in the future if you don’t learnt to set the right and meaningful priorities.
So, before life throws some more heart-shattering experiences towards your way, better make a list of things that matter the most to you. And, start working on them.
If you think it’s your career that needs more focus than sobbing about the past, then bring all your attention to the career and work towards it. If you think that it’s your health that suffered a lot because of your heartbreak, set it on top of your list and work towards it.
Pick any area of your life that you feel demands the most attention right now. And, once you figure that out, work your ass off towards making it better.
By doing this, you will make sure that your mind doesn’t fall back to things and people that deserve least of your attention and work towards making your life a meaningful one.
If you hope for a good outcome, you have to make good choices and to make good choices, you have to make better decisions, and to make the better decisions, you have to set your priorities right.
In a nutshell
Nothing can change, if you change nothing, my friend. Every small change towards a better life and situations starts with just you. Either you can choose to waste your precious time refusing to come out of this mess, or you can leave past baggage behind and set on the journey of new experiences and adventures. Make your choice…
Just remember one thing; Never settle in less than what you think you deserve. Peace.