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Do you always feel an eye on you? Do you feel like you are being watched all the time?
No matter wherever you are, do you think there’s a specter around you all the time?
If so, then give me some answers to a few more questions.
Did you recently have a break-up?
Did it hurt your boyfriend more than it should have?
Did you break up with him because of his over possessiveness and narcissist behavior towards you?
If the answers for all of these question turned out to be a yes for you, no matter how atrocious I feel telling you this, there are undoubtedly high chances that your ex-boyfriend is stalking you.
If a relationship goes terribly in some ways, you either sail and rebuild it or end it. Ending it seems fair most of the times, but it may appear to be a selfish and planned move to a lot of people; especially to lovers. Being dumped is hard and trying to take it constructively is even harder. And, everybody has a different pace and ways to get over a past relationship.
And mostly, it feels like such a blow because one doesn’t realize when or how he/she is going wrong in the relationship. Thus starts the cycle of self-doubt and low self-esteem. Later it follows by questioning about one’s habits, behavior, and your entire existence – And for a lot of them, this turns into stalking.
So if you are also a major victim of ‘My ex-boyfriend is stalking me’ – this is what you need today… Keep reading.
The realization and signs of stalking
Any form of evasion in someone’s life without their consent and their knowledge falls into the definition of stalking. Imagine – it’s been around a month that the two of you have broken up. At first, he took it gently, or so you thought that he did.
Then after some time, he starts contacting you again and suddenly it becomes a daily ritual. He never does un-friend you on Facebook, nor does he un-follow you on Instagram and Snapchat and keep a close eye on your social activity.
And you end up bumping into him more often than you should. Or, you see him roaming around your workplace or home more often.
Well, then these are the signs that your ex-bf is stalking you. In some cases, your ex contacts your friends to know your ware bouts. Worst case, if you start hanging out with some new guy, he ends up calling or intimidating that person.; asking them to stay away and let the two of you be.
And somehow, if you show him some empathy and talk to him, asking him to stop all of it, you realize there is nothing you can say or do to stop his grey acts.
He always finds a way to know when and where you are and with whom. He keeps a record of every person you talk to and be friends with. All about the new people in your life, all about the latest happenings in your life – he knows it all!
This is where you know that you do not have any personal life. Not because you were always been outspoken and friendly, but because the other person can’t stop probing into your personal space. If any of this sounds familiar, your ex-boyfriend is stalking you real bad.
But!! Is stalking ethical?
Ethically it can never be, but we don’t chill with Plato’s disciples. The whole morality behind stalking is very vague in today’s world. And the lines that differentiated light and serial stalking are there, but the color has eroded away. What may be fine for someone may be mentally devastating for the other.
So, it is hard to differentiate the kinds of stalking and put it into categories of good and bad. And no matter how, this has to stop immediately.
Why do ex-boyfriends stalk?
It may be the pleasure, some evil form of retribution, trying to gain control over your life or also because they want to expose you off as a… *insert all the tags you can think of*, which you may not be.
In all honesty, there is no one reason why they do what they do. The guilt of hurting you, the pain of losing you, an attempt to get you back, or just selfless love. It could be any so I’ll go about it one by one.
1) The selfless romantic turned stalker
Let’s start with selfless love. We all have read those quotes that say if you love someone, let them go. Love is more about selflessness and less about possession. To a considerable extent, it is true. Maybe he was more into you than you were into him. Or in his words, he genuinely loved you.
Even now when you are out of his life, there is still a selfless desire in him to see you happy. He checks up on you from time to time. The right methods being going through your social media without leaving a trace for you to know he was there. Asking your mutual friends about you with all noble intentions. This seems fair.
But you never know when you turn into his obsession. This is where things have a chance to go wrong. It is hard to explain his fixation, and the only person who can answer it to you is no one but just him.
2) The guilty ex
Apart from that, a significant reason is guilt. Guilt is a powerful feeling. It is one of those things that kill you from inside. It has a lot to do with the societal image of a person, but the most important thing is one’s own consciousness.
A person who really feels guilty would be ready to do anything to not feel so.
And it turns out that your guilty ex-boyfriend regrets losing you and starts taking action to get over the guilt, and seeking ways to talk to you regarding it. But in a series of trials, when nothing seems to take that guilt away, all he really wants from you is to see how bad he feels for himself. He tries to stalk you just so that he could actually come up to you and express his feelings and thoughts.
In an attempt to right his wrongs, he unconsciously crosses the line. That’s where his stalking goes from light to nasty. And from a guilty ex-boyfriend, he is now your guilty ex-boyfriend who also stalks!
3) The hurt one
There are cases where relationships ended in a very dramatic way and on a bad note. And, before either of you could do about it, you ended breaking up with him. There’s no way around, you genuinely feel hurt when something dear to you is taken away. No person or thing can replace it.
To him, you were a big part of his life, and without you now, he feels that that part of his life has morphed into a void. A void, so dark that the only thing left there is the memory of the times you spent together.
Now, that is something that can either help you in moving on or take a toll on you. Those memories can bring a big smile on one’s face while it could also bring out a feeling of sorrow as deep that it can make you numb. That numbing sorrow forces your ex into taking action, getting you back.
And we all know how these decisions turn out to be. Things go beyond anyone’s control and a person turns into a serial stalker with mysterious intentions in his mind.
4) The one that holds a grudge
Now we come to the reason that to me sounds the worst of all; retribution. Not all relationships are rainbows and sunshine. Heck, every relationship has its own downs and drawbacks. A lot of relationships turn toxic, and not always does the right person dump the wrong.
It is hard to say who is right or wrong in a relationship and by right in this case, I mean the one who got more hurt.
Everyone is not as mentally and emotionally strong as the other, especially in a relationship. Now there are positive ways to deal with being hurt or dumped, but the circumstances can differ.
And thus starts the cycle of revenge. One distinct thing that we all carry from our childhood are the words, “revenge is a dish best served cold”, and he does not hesitate to put this concept to use.
To really hurt a person, you need to know them inside out. And well, to him stalking seems like the best way to pull out every bit of information about your life.
So now when you know ‘why do ex-boyfriend stalks’ let’s get to know how can you get out of this?
What to do when Ex-boyfriend is stalking you real bad
My ex boyfriend is stalking me – to all those who have been screaming this sentence 100 times a day. It’s time you take some serious measures.
All of us know that privacy is a man-made concept because if it were a law of nature, we would have different animals walking around wearing clothes and owning houses, not for safety but also for privacy. But even though it may be a man-made concept, it is one that is deeply rooted in our conscious mind, and it matters to us the most.
Some light social media stalking may be okay or stalking that doesn’t cause the person being stalked any harm can still be tolerated. But a step beyond that and you would never know when it would turn to immoral stalking.
1) The Blessed child
If you are blessed with parents who are understanding and heterodox. And, you don’t mind talking to them about your relationships and breakups, you are lucky. Just tell them about it, and the first thing you’d get is that personal warmth which will ease you into finding and taking a right and the necessary action to get rid of your ex-boyfriend stalking.
There no reason you have to keep your ex’s dark truths just to yourself. You should definitely bring this into the notice of your parents or someone you are close with.
2) Seeking help from Women oriented help groups
There are many women helpline organizations that are working towards providing help and security to women in case of stalking, violence, and abuse. You may report your issue to them and seek necessary help. You can easily find these organizations and Ngo’s online based on your country and state.
All you need is to call them and register your issue and they will contact you and will do their best to resolve your issues.
And, if you don’t want to go that far there are various help groups where you can seek guidance regarding this.
3) The one with a personal Grim Reaper
If your boyfriend in any way physically threatens your survival, or if he has some previous criminal records in the past, the least you could do is call the cops on him. People may say that you will be ruining his life and all of that, but remember, physical or mental abuse can never be justified, by emotions or by law.
And worry not, by law, you will be protected. If you feel even for 1% that he may cause physical harm to you, then don’t give it a second thought and seek help from cops.
Security and restraining order seem to the right way to go about things. But do not forget to get some help, cause doing all of this alone is not just a tricky task, it may take a toll on your mind and well-being.
4) The one with the worst candid guy
To all the people who have seen ‘13 Reasons Why‘, remember Tyler? In season one we all kinda hated him, or most of us did. We disliked him because he would follow this sweet innocent girl around and take pictures of her. While in the show it was shown as something that was not a big deal, but in reality, this is so wrong.
Taking pictures of people without their consent does not entirely belong to a grey area. Some professional photographers often do that. But, taking pictures of anyone when they are in their personal space or involved in some personal affair is completely unethical.
For all the people with a picture clicking stalker, I would advise you to follow the same suggested steps for the ones with a personal Grim Reaper. Or you could take up the next advice of calling cops if you fit the category.
5) The one who has it easy
To light stalkers, one can just use the talking way. If you’ve observed that your ex-boyfriend has been stalking you on social media or involved in a light stalking and that hasn’t really ever went to cause any harm to you for now. In this case, TALKING helps!
Confronting people for their acts is the right thing to do at times. Raising a voice against something that is affecting you mentally is something you should never resist. If you feel it’s time that you should bring into the notice of your ex that this stalking behavior of him is unavoidable and he needs to put halt to it, then go ahead and do that.
It is entirely possible that he is still hurt and finding ways to cope up with you, but he has to know that it doesn’t justify his stalking. And, if you are lucky, he might just listen to you and stop getting in your way. Why not give it a try? Otherwise, there is always the above two measures you could take.
In a Nutshell
Don’t let the stalking get into you.. that will be your ex win-win. And we definitely don’t want that.
So cheer up, life has fun things ahead for you. So, next time you slip into ‘ my ex boyfriend is stalking me ‘ phase, you know what steps you need to take 🙂