Far too many people are looking for the right person, instead of trying to be the right person. – Gloria Steinem
How about if I tell you your relationship will turn into a breakup soon, If……?
And, your promises, commitments, mutual admiration, even your #couplegoals, and #truelove can’t save your relationship from a breakup, if…
You will probably think of me as insane, as you are dead sure about your relationship and it’s secure future. Some of you might even turn angry reading it and some may wonder about the “if” at the end.
Few lovebirds can see it coming from the beginning and very much aware about this, and some remain too ignorant, till reality cuts their wings and they hit the ground.
And, to those few ignorant ones, here are the few early signs that your relationship is heading towards an end.
No one knows when can light arguments turn into ugly fights, when can a little seed of distrust turns into a tree with time. So, Instead of turning blind, It’s time to open your mind before a breakup comes as a surprise to you.
No doubt your dear relationship is in danger “if” you ignore these signs and let the breakup take a toll on you.
1. Lack of trust
Trust is like a mirror, you can fix it if it’s broken, but you can still see the crack in that mother f*cker’s reflectionLady Gaga
Doesn’t matter how great you score on compatibility, hashtags, cuteness or even “#perfect couple”, if your relationship misses out mutual trust on each other, I wouldn’t even call it a relationship.
Unconditional trust is the foundation that supports other imperative pillars of a relationship.
Just claiming “I trust you” is not sufficient. Unless you mean and understand every bit of it, it’s all shallow.
If any person is habitual to check his/her partner’s phone in their absence, asking for social media or email passwords, Or someone who measure trust on the basis of the swiftness of partner to give access to their phone and passwords, then that relationship won’t last for long..
Surprisingly, most of the trust issues arise out of a person’s own insecurity and his/her past experiences. They find it hard to get over bad experiences of past relationships.
People are self-responsible for their own fears and complexes. And, without even realizing it they go on imposing those fears in their present relationship.
So, if you are seeking something stable and long term in your relationship, having trust on each other is not a choice.
2. Ego issues
Ego is the only requirement to destroy any relationship… so be the bigger person skip the ‘E’ and let it ‘GO’ 🙂
Ego and self-less love can’t exist at the same time in a relationship. If you want a loveable and admirable relationship, you have to ditch your ego.
No relationship can survive if the majority of the part of a relationship is hijacked by one’s ego.
If in your relationship, feeling sorry and compromising at times seems a big deal and maintaining an “I’M always right” image is more vital for you, then it’s indeed foolish of you to not expect a breakup sooner or later.
The point of ‘being right’ or ‘being wrong’ doesn’t matter at all if your relationship is important to you. Feeling sorry for your mistakes doesn’t make you any less human. Where there is real love between two people, ego can’t survive.
An egoist can never be a good lover and expecting a long term relationship is not something his/her cup of tea.
3. Suffocating relationship
If you love someone, set them free. If they come back they’re yours; if they don’t they never wereRichard Bach
A healthy relationship doesn’t mean to bound a person in rules, regulations, and turmoil of expectations. It simply means to set them free. It’s impossible to keep a person in love and in a relationship by forcing them to do things for the sake of your own happiness.
Personal space in a relationship is like Oxygen; it’s impossible to survive without it.
Being in a relationship doesn’t give anyone right to make decisions for their partner. But, only a few sensible people understand this simple concept.
Most of the people are busy in imposing unnecessary demands, putting restrictions on their partner’s life.
They fear if they let their partner free, then their partner will leave them for someone else or something better. And, in order to hide their fear, they start putting limits around their partner on the name of “Love”.
Everyone should understand that simply being in a relationship doesn’t give anyone right over their partner’s life.
If you or your partner have this trait to control each other’s life then better you revise the concept of love again. Or else, better be prepare a for heartbreak.
4. Bad time management
When someone tells you they are too ‘busy’… It’s not a reflection of their schedule; it’s a reflection of YOUR spot on their scheduleSteve Maraboli
Dedicating your time towards a relationship is like watering a plant. It won’t last for long unless you nurture it by giving necessary time and attention to it regularly.
Getting into a relationship is the easiest part, maintaining it smoothly is the real test of it.
If not giving proper time to the partner or relationship is the reason for the gradually growing tension between any couple, then it’s an early sign that they should start taking this thing more seriously.
If it’s been weeks since you enjoyed a cup of coffee together or patiently talked with each other, what’s even the point of being in a relationship just for the sake or tag of it.
Undistracted attention is the biggest gift a person can give to his/her partner. Being emotionally and mentally present with your partner is indeed makes more sense than by just being there physically.
If you don’t work on your time management skills and put your partner among the top things of your priority list, then don’t hold anyone responsible but just yourself, when a breakup hit you like a storm.
5. Irresponsible attitude
Irresponsibility is a sin with a high price tagSunday Adelaja
Every relationship demands a certain responsibility from both of the partners to relish a healthy and joyous relationship.
There are certain unsaid rules bound with the relationships which every partner has to follow and keep in mind.
If you or your partner shows Irresponsible behavior or certain disrespect towards each other or relationship, then even the happiest relationships turn bitter with time, unless worked upon.
You must be wondering what do I mean by “Irresponsible behavior”.
Few of them are:
- Constantly neglecting your partner
- Flirting with other people.
- Never been on time
- Making vague promises and then breaking them
- Being too busy
- Not prioritizing your relationship
- Lying about things
- Baseless arguments and fights
It can be anything that doesn’t align with the expected behavior by you or your partner in a relationship.
And, it’s a prominent sign that a relationship will end in a breakup sooner or later if either of the partners continues with his/her Irresponsible behavior.
6. Complaining behavior
A great relationship is about two things: First, appreciating the similarities, and second, respecting the differences
Are you a perfect person? Of course, you are not. I believe nobody is perfect.
Likewise, expecting perfection from your partner and constantly forcing them to fulfill your expectation is a sign of an unhealthy relationship.
There are a lot of people who keep a sharp eye on their partner and wait for them to make mistakes so that they can pinpoint them.
Even if everything is going smoothly in their relationship, they find things to complain about.
Complaining and pinpointing things become their second nature. One way or the other they are always trying to put their partner under questions.
And, if they fail to find things to complain about they bring something from the past and create issues.
It’s like keeping your partner continuously under the radar and judging them 24×7.
Everyone should be little sensitive towards others feeling and understand that it’s not possible for their partner to give their best if they are constantly in fear to match up to the expectations.
It’s okay to ignore mistakes most of the time, it’s okay to be imperfect. Treat your partner as a human and be little sensitive towards their feelings if you want them to stay with you.
7. Unresolved fights and issues
Good relationships are not just about the good times you share; they’re also about the obstacles you go through together and the fact that you still say “I love you” in the end
Occasional fights and arguments among couple are not something alien to a relationship. Every couple fights and to be honest, it’s not much of a big deal too.
The future of your relationship doesn’t depend on the heated arguments and the bitter fights, it depends on how and when you choose to resolve them.
If a person believes in ignoring the problems rather than resolving them, then his/her relationship is indeed in unwelcomed danger.
No matter how big or small are the issues of your soreness, the whole crux of your relationship comes to one point; whether you choose to work on destressing the tension between you two or you completely turn your back against it, assuming you both will forget it the next morning.
Without you realizing it, even the tiniest of the issues have the power to make or break your relationship. And, ignoring it isn’t the optimal solution to this, definitely.
There can be some issues you feel are vague, baseless and not worth your attention, but maybe they are a big deal to your partner.
To deal with those issues, at times you have to strip down your “Me-zone” and adopt the “We-zone” to handle things wisely and maturely.
Not everything can be about a single person’s perspective in a relationship. So, before things get out of your control, take a wise move towards working on your relationship.
Make it a ritual not to go to bed without resolving even the smallest of the issues that have been causing stress in your relationship. Everything can be resolved if handled with some understanding and patience.
8. Discussing everything with everyone
There are some secrets that we think we’re keeping, but those secrets are actually keeping usFrank Warren
Friends are indeed a strong support system in one’s life. Having a few good trustworthy friends in life is nothing less than a blessing.
Be it joys or the blues, we rely on our friends pretty much for everything related to our life.
But, wait! That doesn’t mean they are entitled or deserve to know every element of your relationship. If you or your partner is someone who finds pleasure in sharing even the intimate details of your relationship with friends, then sorry to say, this relationship won’t survive for long enough.
There are tons of things that should remain just between you and your partner. And, by sharing every detail of your relationship to the third person is like breaching the trust of your relationship.
There are people who love to discuss their sex life, intimate details and secrets their partner shared with them out of trust, with their friends. And, they back up their nonsense with the claim “Good friends deserve to know everything”.
You have no choice but to understand that it’s your relationship and not everyone has to know everything that goes around your relationship.
These type of relationship with no mutual trust and respect for each other doesn’t last forever.
9. No interest in each other’s personal life
Good relationships don’t just happen; they take time, patience and two people who truly want to work to be together
Emotional support, a shoulder to rely on, a person to look up to when things don’t work out, and someone to share our heart and mind’s out, is all everyone need when in a relationship. It’s a human need to feel important in someone’s life.
A person who is always there for them, who listens to them and care for them. It’s like two entities becoming one as a whole.
But quite oppositely, if your relationship is more about ‘I’, ‘me’ and ‘myself’ and miles apart from the concept of togetherness, then you are more in a relationship with yourself than with each other.
It’s not only selfish but also doesn’t fully justify the concept of a relationship. A person who is too much self-occupied in himself/herself is not capable of loving anyone else.
True, that to love someone, we have to love ourselves first. But, “Just” loving ourselves is not the right approach towards a relationship. One has to be equally dedicated and wholeheartedly be there to stand by the person he/she loves.
Taking some time out of their lives and dedicate it solely to their partner is something every person expect from their loved ones.
To maintain a strong relationship, being a good listener is more important than a talker. A healthy relationship is a two-way street. It’s can’t be just about you.
10. Not being self
A person can pretend to be something that there not; For some long. Until it come to a time, You do something that annoy the shit out them That’s when they blow up An the true part of them , Start to come out. Watch out for those fakers
No relation that is built on fakeness can survive long enough. There are hundreds of people who don’t mind going extra miles to please their partner or to attract them by faking everything about themselves.
They try to project themselves as a whole different person in front of their partner. They try their best to fit themselves in “good/perfect” image. But, how long do you think anyone can fake? Obviously, not for long.
Their whole relationship is based on wrong assumptions and lies. It’s like living two lives and personalities; one in front of their partner and other behind them.
Few people may get successful in pleasing their partner for a short time. But, most of their times go in to deal with their own struggle to deal with two identities.
There are also some people who try hard to fake themselves out of love for their partner and with good intentions to win their lover’s heart.
True, it’s even necessary to bring few good changes in yourself, but to be a completely new person is not a valid thought.
If your relationship really matters to you, it’s time you should accept yourself as who you are and try to be yourself in front of your partner. Or else, be ready to lose your precious relationship sooner/later.
11. Different priorities in life
Love does not consist in gazing at each other, but in looking outward together in the same directionAntoine de Saint-Exupery
For a relationship to stay intact and to go long miles, both the person in a relationship need to share almost the same priorities in life.
No, I am not talking about the color choices, beverage choices, or even the love you both share for movies. I am talking about ‘priorities’.
Let’s assume a couple. One partner has deep expectations from his/her partner to spend some quality time with them, but the other’s primary concern is career and spends the majority of his time in office and work. And they both fail to understand each other’s perceptive and ends up having a fight every other day.
Do you think they will be able to fulfill each other expectation in a long run? Maybe for the short term. But, for a strong relationship, it’s necessary for both the people to look and move in the same direction together.
Every person has different priorities in life and it’s advisable to get in a relationship with a person who shares almost the same dreams and priority as yours.
True that every relationship demands some compromises and understanding from both the partners, but if a relationship becomes dependent solely on compromises and adjustments, it can’t work for long.
So, if you are in a relationship where both of you are trying to pull each other in different directions, better to loosen up a little and make wise decisions.
12. Having zero-self worth and being over-dependent
Don’t rely on someone else for your happiness and self-worth. Only you can be responsible for that. If you can’t love and respect yourself – no one else will be able to make that happen. Accept who you are – completely; the good and the bad – and make changes as YOU see fit – not because you think someone else wants you to be differentStacey Charter
This is for the people who define themselves “lucky” just for having a good relationship and lovable partner in their life.
For some people, their whole identity depends on being in a relationship. Life outside of the relationship doesn’t make any sense to them.
They consider it “love”, and I consider it “lack of self-esteem and self-worth”. Instead of enjoying their relationship, every minute they are either trying to please their partner or say bribing their partner to be with them and always love them.
Most of the time they are surrounded by the thoughts of losing their love interest. And, because of their poor self-image, they find themselves unworthy of love.
When people having this mindset enters in a relationship their whole focus shifts from saving their relationship from their own created fear.
They never miss any chance to make their partner feel special and showering gifts. Not because they love them unconditionally, but just to giving them reasons to stay and love them back.
These people never enjoy and explore good moments in their relationship and get over dependent on their partner and relationship.
And, if that’s the case with you then both of your relationships are in danger; the one you share with your partner and also the one you share with yourself.
Based on these above points, how would you like to rate your relationship and what are the major challenges you face in your relationship to keep it strong? Tell us in the comments below.